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By Dr. Jennifer Shindman Social anxiety  affects millions of people, and one of the most common thinking traps that keeps it alive is mind reading —the assumption that you know what others think about you without any real evidence. Mind reading is a core cognitive distortion , and it can intensify anxiety quickly if it goes unchecked. A helpful way to understand this process is through the metaphor of digging holes . Each time you slip into mind reading, it’s like taking a sh

Tsunami or Small Wave? Matching the Skill to the Emotional Wave By Dr. Jennifer Shindman When therapy feels ineffective, it’s usually because the strategy doesn’t match the emotional state. You’re trying to use shoreline skills  when you’re actually treading water. Or you’re using emergency survival skills when you’re already grounded enough to explore deeper meaning. The Three Emotional Zones 1. Drowning (High Dysregulation) You need physiological calming —TIP skills, ground

Standing at the Shore: How to Spot Thinking Traps Once You’re Regulated By Dr. Jennifer Shindman Once the emotional wave has passed—even slightly—you may feel yourself moving closer to the shoreline. You’re no longer drowning. You’re standing. You can feel the water rush over your feet, but you’re grounded. This is the moment when cognitive work finally  becomes possible. Why You Can Think More Clearly Near the Shore When your body isn’t in crisis mode, your mind has more sp

Drowning in Emotion: Why You Can’t “Think Your Way Out” By Dr. Jennifer Shindman Most people believe that if they could just think differently , they’d feel better. But if you’ve ever been overwhelmed by panic, anger, shame, or grief, you know the truth: When you’re emotionally underwater, logic doesn’t feel reachable. This is because emotional overwhelm functions like an ocean storm. Sometimes the tide is gentle—you can stand at the shoreline, feel the waves wash over your f

By Dr. Jennifer Shindman Imagine you’re driving along, heading somewhere important. The road is clear, the music’s playing, and you’re focused on your direction. Then, one by one, some passengers start climbing into your car. Anxiety takes the seat right beside you, tapping your shoulder: “Are you sure you’re going the right way? What if you miss your turn?” Anger climbs in behind you, slamming the door: “I can’t believe they cut you off again! You should teach them a lesson.