EMOTIONAL OCEAN SERIES — BLOG POST #1

Drowning in Emotion: Why You Can’t “Think Your Way Out”

By Dr. Jennifer Shindman

Most people believe that if they could just think differently, they’d feel better.

But if you’ve ever been overwhelmed by panic, anger, shame, or grief, you know the truth:

When you’re emotionally underwater, logic doesn’t feel reachable.

This is because emotional overwhelm functions like an ocean storm. Sometimes the tide is gentle—you can stand at the shoreline, feel the waves wash over your feet, and observe what’s happening with curiosity.

Other times, you’re not on the shore at all. You’re treading water, barely keeping your head above the surface.

And in those moments, “reframing your thoughts” is like asking a drowning person to solve a math problem.

You don’t need insight. You need a life raft.

When You’re Drowning, You Use Survival Skills — Not Insight Skills

In DBT, these are your TIP skills—fast-acting biological interventions that turn down the intensity of the emotional wave:

• Temperature change

• Intense exercise

• Paced breathing

These skills aren’t about deep psychological work. They’re about getting you back to the shore safely.

Once you’re out of the storm, then you can start exploring your thoughts, patterns, and beliefs.

Why Survival Mode Isn’t a Failure

Your brain shifts into emotional survival mode when it believes you’re in danger—even if the “danger” is an argument, a mistake, or a fear of disappointing someone.

This isn’t weakness. This is biology.

And the most compassionate thing you can do is match your strategy to your state.

If you are treading water, you don’t need a lecture about perspective. You need support, grounding, temperature shifts, breathing—anything that helps your nervous system come back online.

Once you’re safely on the shore again, that’s when clarity returns.

This is not avoidance. This is smart emotional timing.

Takeaway

If you’re emotionally underwater, don’t pressure yourself to “think better.”

Focus first on getting regulated enough to think at all.

The deep work comes later.