Dig Less, Live More: Breaking the Mind Reading Cycle in Social Anxiety

By Dr. Jennifer Shindman

Social anxiety affects millions of people, and one of the most common thinking traps that keeps it alive is mind reading—the assumption that you know what others think about you without any real evidence. Mind reading is a core cognitive distortion, and it can intensify anxiety quickly if it goes unchecked.

A helpful way to understand this process is through the metaphor of digging holes. Each time you slip into mind reading, it’s like taking a shovel and digging a small hole. A few scoops? Easy to step out of. But when anxious thoughts build up and you don’t notice them, the hole gets deeper and harder to escape.

This blog post will help you understand:

• What mind reading is and why it fuels social anxiety

• How small, unnoticed thoughts build into overwhelming anxiety

• How mindfulness and ACT’s choice point interrupt the cycle

• What you can do today to stop digging and climb out

  
  

What Is Mind Reading? (And Why It Makes Social Anxiety Worse)

Mind reading is a thinking trap where your brain assumes it knows what someone else is thinking:

• “He didn’t laugh—he must think I’m boring.”

• “She looked away—she must not like me.”

• “They didn’t respond quickly—I must have annoyed them.”

  
  

These interpretations feel automatic and convincing, but they are guesses—not facts. In CBT terms, mind reading reinforces negative beliefs, strengthens avoidance, and keeps social anxiety in place.

And every time you fall into mind reading without noticing it, the hole gets deeper.

The Hole-Digging Metaphor: How Anxiety Gets Bigger Over Time

Imagine that every anxious thought is a scoop of dirt. One or two scoops? You could climb out easily.

But when your thoughts go unchecked:

• You dig faster

• The walls get taller

• The hole gets deeper

  
  

Suddenly, you’re not just anxious—you’re stuck.

One-foot hole

You notice: “Oh, I’m mind reading.” Easy to climb out.

Five-foot hole

Thoughts stacked on autopilot. You feel anxious and start being self-critical.

Ten-foot hole

You start to believe: “I’m awkward,” “People don’t like me,” and you start avoiding social situations.

Mindfulness Is the Ladder: Awareness Stops the Digging

The most powerful intervention for mind reading is mindfulness—not the “empty your mind” version, but the psychological skill used in ACT and CBT:

Noticing what your mind is doing in real time.

Awareness sounds simple, but it is transformative.

The moment you say:

• “I’m mind reading.”

• “This is a thinking trap.”

• “This is a story, not a fact.”

  
  

—you have stopped digging.

That awareness becomes the ladder out of the hole. It doesn’t remove anxiety instantly, but it changes your relationship to it.

The ACT Choice Point: What You Do After You Notice the Trap

Once you recognize the thinking trap, you reach a choice point, a core tool in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT):

Option 1: Dig Deeper

Follow anxiety-driven thoughts→ avoid→ overthink→ feel worse

Option 2: Choose a Value-Aligned Action

Act based on what matters to you→ stay in the conversation→ ask the question→ show up authentically

You still feel anxious, but now you are responding with intention rather than fear.

This is how people with social anxiety begin to reclaim their lives—not by eliminating anxiety but by no longer obeying it.

Unchecked Thoughts = Deeper Holes

Mind reading feels small in the moment, but it has long-term consequences:

• reinforces social fear

• increases avoidance

• strengthens negative self-beliefs

• makes social interactions feel dangerous

• reduces confidence and spontaneity

  
  

Recognizing thinking traps early interrupts this downward spiral before it deepens.

How to Stop Digging: Practical Steps

Here are evidence-based strategies you can start using today:

1. Label the Thought

Name it: “This is mind reading.” This interrupts the automatic spiral.

2. Ground in the Present

Ask: “Do I have actual evidence, or am I guessing?”

3. Shift to a Value

Connection, authenticity, curiosity—pick one.

4. Make a Small Choice

Stay, share, ask a follow-up question, or simply breathe.

Each value-driven action adds dirt back into the hole.

Why This Matters

The difference between a one-foot hole and a ten-foot hole is awareness.

Mindfulness gives you a ladder.

Values give you direction.

Small actions help you climb out.

You don’t need to stop anxious thoughts altogether. You only need to notice when you’re digging—and choose differently.

That is how people with social anxiety reclaim confidence, reduce avoidance, and show up more fully in their lives.